Stand by Me
by pinkskyline
Summary: AU Where Dean and Sam (and other hunters) are police officers, the supernatural doesn't exist, and Benny is a former junkie. Re-tells events from season 8 and then goes on from there. Benny/Dean slash.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: There is a lot of very rude language toward drug users in this story. No offense is meant; I am using drug addiction as a parallel to vampirism, and cops as a parallel to hunters, so the police officers are very anti-'junkie' like hunters could be expected to be very anti-vampire. Also, Sam doesn't come off very well in the first chapter, but this is not an anti-Sam story at all and he gets more likeable in later chapters. Warnings for mentions of past suicidal thoughts, drug addiction, and brief mentions of the death of a neglected child during a police case (nothing particularly graphic but could be disturbing). Also, Dean is bisexual in this story and there is eventual Benny/Dean.**

Sam didn't usually judge.

Scratch that. Sam didn't usually judge anyone but Dean. But he just knew Dean so well that he couldn't help but put his two cents in when he saw his older brother doing something that would lead to him getting hurt down the line. It's not like Dean would be quiet about it if he thought Sam was making a mistake.

Last year when Dean had been disciplined at his job with the city police, where they both worked, Sam had thought the anger management counseling might actually be a good thing for him. Dean had been put on suspension without pay and been forced to go to counseling and do community service with junkies-because he'd beat up a junkie, Sam guessed. The community service and therapy had kept Dean out of jail, paved the way for him to one day come back to the police department, and had been supposed to instill compassion for addiction in his brother.

Maybe it had worked too well.

Dean had actually started to be bizarrely close to one of the junkies-a guy called Benny. They'd been seen out in public, hanging out playing pool in bars, buying parts for the crappy car Benny was apparently fixing up with Dean's help. Eating meals together.

A known junkie. A guy who'd been in the station for possession, theft, and god knows what else over the years. And Dean was hanging out with him and didn't seem to care who knew about it.

No other cops had judged Dean for beating up a junkie. It had been an especially gruesome call. A bad smell reported by the neighbors almost always meant a DB, but the dead body in question had been a little girl, hardly older than a baby, who the junkie, a man named Earl Leeds, had let starve to death. He'd gone out and got more meth a dozen times, but must have forgotten that his daughter was staying with him so didn't get anything for her, like food or water. Dean had seen the little girl's body and lost control, and done the man irreparable damage, though he hadn't killed him.

But while cops could understand Dean's anger toward Earl Leeds, they _were_ judging Dean for spending time with Benny. Not that he'd ever done anything as terrible as Earl Leeds, but he was a junkie. Undependable as shit, liable to do anything. Junkies could seem to be awesome people, but they turned on you and they _hurt_ people if it meant getting drugs. And God help you if somehow got _between_ them and drugs.

When Sam pulled his Sonata into Dean's driveway, he was annoyed to see that Benny was actually there already, standing in the driveway doing maintenance on the Impala with Dean. The Impala was the only car Sam had ever worked on, and he used to be the one Dean called if he ever needed a pair of hands when he was switching things out.

Sam huffed at the thought that he'd been replaced.

He got out of the car and shut the door loudly, causing both men to look up from their position close together, speaking quietly at the hood of the car. Sam shook his head at the disturbing thought that his brother had never really had a friend before. He'd been friends with Garth and Cas, and with Charlie, of course, but that was for work. It was weird to see the kind of guy who Dean would be friends with just because he liked him. What was it about this freak that made him capable of drawing Dean in?

"I need to talk to you, Dean," Sam said without preamble.

"Sorry, Sam, I've got company at the moment," Dean said.

"It's alright, brother. I'll head out," Benny said.

He nodded at Sam and walked down the road, and Sam grudgingly admitted to himself that at least the guy was polite and seemed to know his place.

Dean sighed. "So do I even have to ask what you're doing here?"

"That guy. Benny Lafitte? Really?"

"You know me. I don't make friends that easy. But when I do...they're family. I can't just stop being his friend because other cops don't approve."

"He's a junkie, Dean! You of all people know what junkies are capable of," Sam said.

"He was volunteering at the treatment center. He's a recovering addict. He's been clean for a really long time. People like that, who actually resist the urge to use? We should be supporting them. He's a good guy, who took a few really bad missteps in life. Shit, Sam, you think it couldn't have been me? You know when I was a teenager I tried some of that stuff. I had people like you and dad and Bobby to keep me from going all the way into that dark world, but that doesn't make me any better than Benny."

"It's not that I think Benny's a bad guy. I just think, why set yourself up? If something bad happens, or he gets bored, or he just feels like it, he'll use again. Junkies are never really clean, Dean. You know this. And if you're close to him when he goes off, you're the one he's going to hurt."

"He's my friend, Sam. You don't even know what it was like, this past year. I was drunk every night, thinking my career was over, thinking I couldn't ever be the kind of guy who would be cleared for duty again. I thought I'd never be strong enough again. Cops would talk to me and hang out with me, but they always talked about work, and all I heard when they talked was that I'd never be like them again. You think I didn't almost swallow my gun some of those nights? And where the fuck were you? You were deciding whether or not to go back to law school. You didn't give a shit, or you just didn't notice. Benny was there. He saved my life."

"Dean, why didn't you come to me?" Sam asked.

"Oh, come off it. You loved that I was gone, that you could finally live your life without your annoying big brother looking over your shoulder. You thought anger management was good for me and that I needed counseling," Dean said.

"Well, apparently you did, if you thought about killing yourself!"

Dean sighed. "I'm not blaming you. I guess you thought I should work through my issues on my own. Maybe you were right. But that means you can't blame me for the way I dealt with everything. You weren't there, so you don't get to tell me that I handled everything wrong."

"That's not what I'm saying, Dean. I'm just saying, maybe you needed that relationship at the time, but you're coming back to work in a week. You can't be hanging out with a guy like him. What are the guys going to think?"

"Maybe they'll think I'm not a disloyal prick," Dean said.

"Benny seems like...like a good guy. He'd understand why you have to keep your distance."

"He's not hurting anyone. He's not using. Don't you believe in second chances anymore?"

"But I don't get it. This isn't like you. We always had this argument, with you on the other side. I don't get how suddenly you're all for second chances," Sam said.

"Just be happy that I finally see things from your perspective, then. And I'm not exactly going to be bringing him to the policeman's ball. We're cooling it, at bit. I mean, I'm not going to have as much time now that I'm back at work. He's not happy about it because he could use the support. He doesn't have a lot of friends around here who are clean, so, I really should be there for him. But he understands that I have to do what's best for me, too."

"You promise me that you won't let this guy drag you down?"

"He won't be a problem. Cops and guys like him don't mix, not really. I mean, outside of places like New Path," Dean said.

"Why'd you argue with me then?"

"Why do I ever argue with you, Sammy?" Dean asked evasively.

Sam suspected that Dean wished he'd been able to think of arguments that held up, because he didn't want to abandon his friend. Maybe he'd even hoped Sam would argue with him that he should stay loyal to Benny. Sam sympathized, but it really was unwise to hang on to friendships like that.

He'd learned that the hard way with Ruby.

They both had.

* * *

Dean had been back on the job for a few weeks when Sam got the call to the diner. It was a really bad scene. Messy, loud, filled with cops and technicians. There was blood everywhere, and glass and grease from the fryers on the ground. Benny had worked there for a while, or so Sam understood.

Martin Creaser had been unsteady for a long time. He'd been working without a partner or on desk duty for a while because the chief couldn't get anyone to ride along with him. Sam had vouched for him on this job, sure that the increase in drug activity around that neighborhood had to do with Benny working at the diner.

Dean had an arm around his friend's shoulder. Benny looked shell-shocked and angry, and was wearing scrubs because his clothes had been taken as evidence.

Gordon bumped Sam hard as he walked in and Gordon walked out. "Tell your brother that cops ain't supposed to hug cop-killers."

Sam ignored him and walked over to where Dean and Benny were standing.

"Dean, can I talk to you?" Sam said.

"I ain't leaving him alone. You think if I wasn't here the rest of these guys wouldn't kick the shit out of Benny?"

"He killed a cop!"

"It wasn't like that," Dean said. "He's not under arrest. Thank Christ they have cameras in this joint because he was cleared after I investigated for like a minute."

"What the hell happened?"

"If Dean hadn't come when I called and made sure the cops investigating checked the cameras and didn't just kill me on sight, your friend Gordon would have killed me," Benny said.

"I told you Martin wasn't ready for all this," Dean said. He got up and moved over to the side of the room, folding his arms defensively and waiting for Sam to walk up and join him.

"What the hell happened?"

"Martin came in here in the middle of the night and threatened to cut up Benny's daughter if he didn't admit to being involved with the drug activity. Benny isn't involved, though. He only took the job in this shitty drug-infested neighborhood because he wanted to make sure Izzy was safe now that the dealers all moved in. A guy approached him to deal, but he shot him down. I went with him to the meet when he told him to leave him alone. I swear, that's what happened."

"Martin wouldn't do that."

"Well, he did," Dean said. "There's goddamned video evidence that he did. He wasn't ready for this kind of assignment, and he ended up dead."

"Benny has a daughter?"

"Yeah, but she doesn't know he's her dad. He was just a teenager when she was conceived and she was raised by the mother's older sister and her husband. It's probably going to come out now...and the fact that he was involved with drugs, before. This wasn't how he wanted things to go down when Izzy found out about him," Dean said.

"So what am I doing here?" Sam said. "You seem to have everything handled. Why call me at all?"

"This investigation is your baby. I want you to clean this shit up. I'm only here to make sure the police give Benny a fair shake. I didn't even take the call-he called me before he called the police."

"You should get out of here, then, I guess," Sam said.

"Everyone already knows I stuck my neck out for him," Dean said.

"Even though Martin was in the wrong and Benny was in the right, no one will thank you for sticking your neck out. You know that, right?"

"No cops will thank me," Dean said, "But Benny seemed to appreciated it. Although I wonder if I should be apologizing to him. How much of Martin's investigation was all about you proving that Benny was bad news? Martin was supposed to be on light duties. He was supposed to be behind a desk."

"The psychiatrist cleared him. I know you thought he was shaky, but not everyone felt that way," Sam said.

Dean looked at the ground. "You asked me to stay away from Benny and then you interfered with his life. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking the guy was using you," Sam said. "And just because Martin went nuts doesn't mean the investigation wasn't on the right track."

"Are you kidding? Martin went nuts because he was trying to prove something that wasn't true. The only way he could think to find evidence that didn't exist was by holding a teenager hostage at knifepoint. Jesus, Sam, you asked me to stay away and I did. How could Benny be using me when we hadn't spoken in weeks?"

Sam's heart beat rapidly. He didn't want to admit what he'd done with Martin was wrong, not because he didn't want to admit a fault, but because he didn't want Dean to take this as an indication that he should go hang out with Benny again. "All the arguments against you spending time with the guy are still the same as before," he finally said.

Dean shook his head in disbelief. "Yeah, the difference is that now everyone knows how far I'm willing to go to protect him. I'm willing to protect a cop-killing ex-junkie because he's my friend and he's innocent. So whatever arguments you had against Benny? They're pretty much moot."

"Except for the one where when something bad happens junkies always go back to using," Sam said.

"Which reminds me, I'm Benny's ride. He's going to stay with me for a while, so I can make sure he's doing alright, even after all this."

"Dean-"

"-I don't care, Sammy. Right now I got nothing to say to you."


	2. Chapter 2

Dean was unprepared for how great it would feel to have Benny stay with him. Like it was handy, having someone to help out, and just be around, but it was more than that. There was something more, something that Dean didn't feel like defining, but that felt like the missing piece of the puzzle had somehow found its way into place, and now the picture was complete.

Sammy had gone on about how it would look to the guys, but Dean had never shared much about his personal life with the guys. He used to sleep around with women a lot, and that had been good for locker room talk, but it left the guys more jealous than anything. Despite his charm and good-looks, Dean had never had the knack of making friends.

He'd been close friends with Cas, when they'd been partnered, but Cas had transferred to another town when he got married and he and Dean hadn't kept in touch. Garth, Dean's current partner, was really odd himself, and while they'd never be best friends, they worked well together. The only friend he'd ever really had was Charlie, the lab tech, who he full-on geeked out with on occasion.

So it's not like the guys knew Benny was living with him. He didn't go out for drinks after shifts, he didn't chum around with anyone but Sam.

But there was a lot of reaction against him for standing up for Benny. Luckily Garth seemed to take his actions in stride, like he did most things. He probably even stood up for Dean when Dean wasn't around, not that Dean would expect that of him.

Benny had gotten another job at another diner, this time in a better part of town. Dean loved the food there, and he liked to stop by and see his friend during a busy shift. He felt a little bit weird about it, though. Like he was making some kind of declaration that he wasn't sure he was ready to make, but it was worth it to see Benny's face light up in a smile each and every time he saw Dean walk in.

Dean had never really been able to make anyone's day before. It felt good to make someone else feel good. In the few, short lived relationships he'd had, he'd always been the fuck-up, the one who had to be looked after and who's misbehavior had to be forgiven and overlooked. Benny took care of him in so many ways, but Dean was the one who had the power to make Benny's life good enough to fight an addiction for, and he felt the responsibility keenly.

Dean was trying to decide if an awesome lunch was worth the mixed feelings seeing Benny during his shift stirred up to when the call came in.

"All officers be advised, Detective Sam Winchester is not responding to calls. He was last contacted while investigating drug activity on Cross Street. All officers on the lookout for his vehicle."

Dean felt the edge of panic. When he'd been busted down to patrol, which he actually liked a lot better than being a detective, the only problem he'd foreseen had been that he wouldn't be able to look out for Sammy the same way he'd been able to when they were both Detectives.

"Where the hell was Gordon?" Dean asked.

"Gordon asked to be reassigned," Garth muttered. "Sam's been working with Jo. She's on light duties, though, cause she's pregnant."

"So Sam just goes off on his own, then?"

"Not if he's following procedure," Garth said. "He may have felt the need to prove himself...he wants to show people that not all Winchesters are soft on drugs."

"Soft on drugs? Shit, I'm not soft on drugs. I almost beat a junkie to death. Just because I didn't let Gordon kill an innocent guy who defended himself from a cop who went off the deep end-"

"I'm not saying he's right, Dean. I just mean he's been going all out these days. I know he wants to make you proud. Do you remember the way you looked at him when you realized he'd taken all that leave while you were away? That he was thinking about going back to law school? He probably wants to show you what he's made of, too. I think sometimes Sam feels desperate to prove himself to everyone."

"He didn't even want to be a cop," Dean said. "After dad got killed in the line of duty, he felt he had to come back home from California and sign up. He does his bit. He doesn't have to prove anything to anyone."

"Not everyone can just live their life on their own terms, with their own morality that they don't feel the need to explain to anyone. That's a gift that you have that hardly anyone else has, you know?"

Dean barely had a chance to think about Garth's insights into his character, because he saw Sam's Sonata parked by an old warehouse. "2 o'clock, Garth," he said. Garth pulled over beside the car and Dean called it in.

They looked at the scene, but couldn't find any clues as to where Sam had gone. The fact that the street the warehouse was located on didn't have any traffic or other cameras led Dean to believe that it had been chosen deliberately as a drug meet.

Dean walked up to Gordon, who up until recently had been Sam's partner and who had arrived shortly after Dean had made the call.

"Why the hell would Sam go to a drug meet alone? He wasn't undercover, was he?"

"I don't know," Gordon said. It wasn't the words so much as the insolent shrug of his shoulders that made Dean sure he wasn't telling him the whole story.

"Gordon, I know you don't like me. I know you think I should have let you get some licks in for Martin Creaser. But this is serious. Sam could be dead, or in trouble. I need to get to him."

"I know you want to save your baby brother. But if he doesn't tell anyone where he is, call in like he's supposed to, what the fuck are we supposed to do about it?"

"He's a cop, but he's human, too. Maybe this wasn't a meet. Maybe he saw a crime happening and pulled over to intervene like anyone would, and it went bad. But we have to know more about what Sam was up to day to day to retrace his steps."

"I thought you knew the kid better than anyone," Gordon said.

Dean absorbed this for a moment, feeling guilty that he hadn't been keeping up with Sam. He'd let his friendship with Benny and his feelings of hurt at Sam's lack of support keep him from being there for his brother, and now the kid could be dead. "He's got to have a CI," Dean finally said.

"I don't know any names. Jo might," Gordon said.

Dean got Jo on the phone and the name of the CI. He was a known crackhead, but one who seemed to come out on the side of the angels more than the devils. His name was Virgil and Dean knew just where to find him.

Garth allowed himself to be dragged away by his partner, and drove to the crack-house with little explanation needed. Garth was weird, but Dean appreciated that he could count on him in times like these.

They walked through the crack-house with guns drawn. Addicts could be unpredictable. They found Virgil strung out on a dirty mattress, and Dean's heart sank. It was going to take a while for him to useful. He kicked the side of the mattress enough to jar the man sleeping on it.

"Come on Virgil, you're coming with us," Dean said.

"What?" he said plaintively, squinting at the unfamiliar faces.

"We're serving warrants, smart guy. We gotta take you in," Dean said.

"Seriously?"

"Serious as shit," Garth said. "Get the fuck up."

"Man, this is bullshit," Virgil said. "I ain't got any warrants."

"You sure about that?" Dean asked.

Virgil looked uncertain. Obviously he'd done enough illegal things that he found it conceivable that he'd been fingered for one of them. Either that or he didn't want to protest too much. As a Criminal Informant he was probably taken in a lot and let go, so just because Sam wasn't here didn't mean he wouldn't be able to make some money on this trip. Reluctantly he got up, complaining the entire time.

Once they were in the car driving away, Virgil perked up a bit. They hadn't read him his rights, so he knew either he was going to be let go on a technicality or he had the chance to make some money. "What can I help you officers with?" he asked.

"What do you know about Sam Winchester?"

"What do you mean?"

"When's the last time you saw him? What did you talk about?"

"Don't you cops keep records and shit?"

"Just answer the question," Dean said.

"He wanted to know about the gang that's been dealing out on Cross Street. I told him what I knew. It's all pretty mysterious. Not the usual suspects, you know? Guy thinks he's an innovator. Like it takes any innovation to sell poison on the streets," Virgil said.

"What guy?" Dean said.

"Calls himself the Hammer. He's hard to get in with. His lieutenant used to work around here, name of Alvarez, you've probably heard of him. I think the Hammer hooked up with Alvarez to find local guys. I don't know. That's what it seems like from the outside, you know?"

"Is this what you told Sam?"

"I told Sam they worked Cross Street and that Alvarez was the connection. I...I think he might have been following Alvarez."

"Sam went missing. Can you find out what happened to him?" Dean asked.

Virgil shook his head. "I'm not really in with those guys. And I can't go asking after a cop. I mean, I like Sam and I'd do it if I could, but they'd just kill me."

Dean conceded this with reluctant nod. "Who works with Alvarez?"

Virgil rhymed off some names, and the guy who'd been harassing Benny, Eric Foster, was mentioned. "Virgil, you're a prince," Dean said. He opened his wallet and pulled out some twenties. "Where do you want to be let out?"

"Here's good. Hope you find Winchester. He's a good guy, for a cop," Virgil said, getting out of the car and running into an alley.

 _Understatement_ , Dean thought. He wished he'd made it clearer to Sam how much he respected him, loved him and needed him these past few months.

"I got a source but I'm going to talk to him alone," Dean said.

"Dean, that's just what got Sam into trouble," Garth said. He pulled back into traffic and continued to patrol.

"We don't know that. We don't know what happened," Dean said.

Garth sighed. "You need backup, Dean," he said.

"It's Benny, alright? I don't need backup to talk to him. I know one of the guys Virgil mentioned used to be a contact of his."

"Fine. I'll drop you at the diner."

Dean looked at his watch and realized that Benny would be done his shift. "Actually, just drop me off at home, will you?"

"Do you live with this guy?"

"Do you care?"

Garth was silent for a long moment, and then glanced over. "I do care about you, Dean. We're friends. Or at least I like to think we are."

"He's been staying with me for a little while. No big deal."

"If you two were together, like a couple, you could tell me. I wouldn't judge you, or tell anyone."

"Well, we're not," Dean said. He was silent for a beat, and then said, "But we might, maybe...I don't know. We haven't talked about it. But I'm glad to hear you say that anyway."

"Sam doesn't know you have those kinds of feelings for Benny, does he?"

"He doesn't even know I'm bisexual, which is weird because I think you figured that out within about half an hour of meeting me."

"We often have blind spots where our families are concerned. And you could let him in more, you know," Garth said.

"I have to get him back, first," Dean said.

Dean got out of the car and walked up to his front door. Benny met him just inside the door, put a hand on his arm and looked concerned. "You're back early. Something happen?"

"It's Sammy. He just disappeared in the middle of the shift in a part of town known to be drug territory. I don't know where he is."

"I'm guessing you're here because you need my help," Benny said.

"I know there's no love lost between you and Sam. I wouldn't ask, but-"

"You don't have to ask. I'll do what I can to help your brother."

"You know this guy Alvarez?"

"I've heard of him. He wouldn't know me from Adam, though."

"What about Eric Foster?"

"You know I know him. He's the one who was harassing me to get back into dealing. You want me to contact him or something?"

Dean didn't answer, but the mute appeal in his eyes must have been more persuasive than words, because Benny spoke up again.

"I was pretty emphatic about not wanting to work with him the last time we spoke. I'll call him though, see if he'd still use me. I should be able to find out what happened to your brother fairly quick. Guys like this wouldn't be able not to brag about doing something to a cop."

"I don't like asking you this. I don't like asking you to be near drugs again," Dean said. "You're pretty much risking your life. I can't ask you to do this."

"You're not asking. I'm doing it. And it ain't just near drugs. I'm going to have to use. Foster only trusts people who use occasionally. It's how he controls his guys."

"That seems stupid."

"People don't become drug dealers because they're smart," Benny said.

"This means so much to me, Benny. You have no idea. And I'll make sure that you're okay afterwards. That you don't get addicted, and that you don't get charged or anything. I swear I'll protect you," Dean said.

Benny leaned in and hugged Dean tightly. "I know what your brother means to you. It would be worth going to jail, worth getting back on drugs if it meant you had your brother back in one piece."

Dean held on a little longer than he probably should have, then reluctantly let go.


	3. Chapter 3

**Warnings: Character tied up and beaten. Oh and I don't necessarily think that housing projects are as dangerous to cops as I let on in this story (I mean, they could be judging by the show The Wire)...just trying to find a real life equivalent to being stuck in Purgatory.**

When Sam woke up, he was disoriented and he hurt everywhere. The last thing he remembered was pulling his car over to have a friendly chat with a fifteen-year-old drug dealer who he'd known since the kid was a lookout for a drug-gang at the age of eight. He hadn't called it in, because he'd just been saying hi—just doing his part to 'win hearts and minds' in the war on drugs.

Something had happened—the kid had been acting shifty—and everything had gone black. Sam assumed the kid had been holding something big, and had a guard watching him from some distance—far enough away that Sam hadn't known the kid wasn't alone. Even though he hadn't been about to search the kid, the guy who'd been watching him had probably come up behind Sam and knocked him out.

Can't have been anyone very experienced or professional, though, because a pro would have just taken the loss rather than assaulting a police officer. As common as TV shows and movies made drug dealers who killed or hurt cops seem, most drug dealers would rather lose a gang member to prison for a few months, and lose product and money, than risk the heat that came with messing with a cop.

So when Sam looked around, he expected to find he'd just been knocked on the head and left exactly where he'd dropped, by his car.

He didn't expect to find his hands tied, or to look around and find himself in a shitty apartment in the projects that looked like a bunch of crack-heads had just stepped out for a minute.

Even if he could get his hands free, people in housing projects wouldn't necessarily just let a lone cop without a gun who was tied up walk out of the projects without being hurt. The first person he saw might help him, or might just as easily harm him. There had recently been riots against the police nearby, and he didn't want to be the target of a mob. The project residents were not professionals, and might have had very bad experiences with the police all their lives. Sam was the first to acknowledge that some members of the police department made the rest of them look bad.

He wished he could at least call Dean and let him know he was alright, but his walkie, gun and belt, as well as his badge and cellphone had all be removed.

What kind of cop let a drug cartel get his gun? He might end up going back to law school after all, that is, if he lived through this experience.

He struggled into a seated position, his hands tied behind him. Whatever was binding his hands appeared to be unyielding and cut into his skin—Sam's guess was that it was zip-ties. The police zip-ties were hard to break out of, but Dean had shown him how to do it, 'just in case'. He imagined drug-dealers were using less heavy-duty models, so when he pushed his hands out, as far from his body as he could, and then brought them down against his butt as hard as he could, he was not surprised when they popped right open.

He found a bathroom and relieved the uncomfortable pressure on his bladder, a little surprised the plumbing actually worked considering it looked like the place was occupied by squatters, and then wondered what he should do.

He'd been in community policing, so it's not like he could just pretend not to be a cop. Not only was he dressed in a cheap suit that fairly screamed what he was, a lot of these people knew him. Some of them might think he was a good guy, but some might want revenge for him putting relatives in jail—or they might just want to take a cop down a few pegs.

If he could get in touch with one of his CIs, he might be able to get out, but even if he had a phone, their numbers were on his cell, which he didn't have anymore.

He couldn't decide what the best thing to do would be, and then the door to the shitty apartment opened.

The boys who walked in were wearing masks, and Sam thanked fuck for that, at least. If they hadn't been, he would have definitely been a dead man.

"What the fuck are you doing out of your ties?" one of the boys said.

"I had to pee," Sam said.

"Shut the fuck up!" the other shouted. He punched Sam and Sam went down like a boxer taking a dive, not sure if fighting these guys off was the right approach. Why bother when he was stuck in a notorious housing project he wasn't sure how to get out of alive?

Sam closed his eyes, pretending he'd been knocked out.

"That cop's got a glass jaw," the one who'd hit him said.

"Jaw? You couldn't even reach his jaw," the other said. "Why the fuck did you have to knock him out?"

"He was out of his zip-ties and he's huge," the guy said.

"No, fuck-head, I meant the first time. He wasn't even going to search me," the other said. So it _was_ Wally who was holding him, and the other guy had probably been guarding whatever drugs Wally had been holding. "You know what Alvarez is going to do when he realized we kidnapped a cop?"

"Well, he can't fucking find out, then, can he?" angry guy said.

There was a lengthy pause, and then Wally said. "You can't mean we should kill a cop. If anyone finds out, the police would rip the organization apart. He went missing in one of Alvarez's hoods. He could have done a wants and warrants check on me when he got out of his car to say hi to me because he fucking knows my name. There's no way we're going to get away from this shit clean."

"What do you think we should do?"

Wally said nothing, but Sam could practically hear his thoughts. Wally would be on board with turning on his people if Sam could get him alone. But apparently the other man got the same feeling, because he said, "If you're so fucking scared, get the fuck out of here."

Sam heard the door shut, and then felt a boot to his head, then again, and then he lost consciousness.

An indeterminable amount of time later, Sam felt gentle hands assessing his head for wounds.

"No, Wally, you were right to tell me. I've worked with Alvarez for a long time. I don't know this Hammer character, but I know Alvarez would have a fit if he knew you were holding a cop."

"But how do we let him go without him squealing like a pig?"

"Pigs squeal. But they've got to have proof, don't they? And he hasn't seen your face, right?"

"But he probably knows who it was."

"But knowing ain't the same as proving," the new voice said.

It sounded familiar. Sam couldn't identify it right away, his head was spinning, but soon he realized that the honey-smooth voice had a southern accent. He didn't know many people who spoke like that. It was Benny, he thought. So he was right all along about his brother's friend. He found it oddly disappointing.

Benny got Wally to leave, then started to turn Sam over. Sam started to struggle, knowing how the older man felt about him.

"Stop struggling, Sam. Dean sent me," Benny said. He cut the zip-tie around Sam's wrist and Sam cautiously opened his eyes.

"So you worked for the drug dealers all along?" Sam asked.

"No, Eric Foster was trying to get me to join this new outfit, but I told him I was clean and not interested in getting into any trouble. But when you went missing, Dean asked me to get back into that world to see if I could find you. I agreed to call Foster and get back on his crew to make sure you were safely returned to your brother," Benny said.

Sam rubbed his head, examining it for bumps, of which there were several.

"You'd do that for me?" he asked.

Benny laughed. "I'm not sure how bad the bump on your noggin was, but I just said, I did it for Dean. He's a friend."

"A _good_ friend," Sam said, his voice laced with some disbelief.

"That's right," Benny said. "I got a car outside. You hustle your butt on out there and drive away. And when you're thinking about retribution, remember that if Wally hadn't wanted to let you go and asked for my help to get you gone, you'd be dead."

"What about you?"

"Wally's coming back for me. There's some kind of deal going down. I promised I'd help him out. I used to look out for the kid when I could. Think he's in over his head with this new crew," Benny said.

"But Benny, you turned your back on all of this. You're out of this life," Sam said.

"He's counting on me, Sam. Just get your ass on home and make sure you tell Dean I'm good. I'm not—that I chose this. Being straight was great in a lot of ways, you know? When I could see my daughter…when I could spent time working on cars with Dean…but he's back at work now, and Izzy's parents won't let her see me anymore. I know I wasn't doing Dean any favors by hanging around his place, either. It was bound to get him in trouble with other cops soon enough, and I know if he had to choose, he'd choose his brothers in blue over me. It's pretty rare in life to really get a second chance. It's all so hard, you know? I'm not any good at that life. This, I understand."

"Dean's going to kill me if I come back without you," Sam said.

"Well, it ain't his choice, and it certainly ain't yours. Now get out of here while there's still time. The keys are for the shitty blue Ford."

Sam took the keys and made his way to the door, looking back at Benny. "I shouldn't have given Dean any grief about you. I mean—thanks. I'm sorry about before."

"Just get yourself safe, brother," Benny said.

Sam ran down the hall to the stairwell, not looking at any of the people he saw hanging around long enough for them to identify him, then down the stairs and out the door to the parking lot. He jumped in the blue Ford, which, despite its shitty appearance, turned over immediately. He drove off, going directly to the hospital. He knew his headache meant that the concussion he was surely suffering from might be serious.

When he got there, he told the woman at the front desk his name and to call the police, and he waited his turned to be seen.

By the time Dean arrived, Sam had already been examined and put in a private room; he was told he was going to be fine but should stay at the hospital overnight for observation.

Dean grabbed him and hugged him tight, and then let him go. "Where's Benny?"

Sam's heart sank. Now that he understood the kind of guy Benny was, and what he'd been willing to give up for Dean, he hated to be the one to tell him that Benny had gone back to his old life. "He's not coming back."

"What? Is he dead?" Dean asked, the horror on his face alarming Sam.

"No! Jesus. He just said that the straight life wasn't for him."

"He can't go back to that shit. I promised him if he had to use to get in with Foster, I'd make sure he got clean. I promised him I'd help him," Dean said.

"He said he had to help out a kid he used to know—there was some deal going down. I got the feeling he'd been having trouble with the straight life for a while."

"I know you didn't believe that he was legit, but he was my friend. I shouldn't have asked him to go back."

"No, I understand more about…I think I see what you were talking about when you said what a good friend he is. He stuck his neck way out for you, Dean. He might even get in trouble for letting me go," Sam said.

"I knew I could count on him," Dean said thickly. "I just wish he hadn't…why didn't he come back with you?"

Sam couldn't give his brother an answer. He cleared his throat, uncomfortable to note that his macho brother was on the point of tears. He changed the subject, telling Dean what he remembered about what happened. "You think they'll ever let me back on active duty again? I mean, how much trouble am I in? I lost my badge and my gun to some damned teenagers."

"Don't beat yourself up, Sam. Unexpected shit goes down on the job. You called in when you got out of your car—and that's how I was able to find out where you were and send Benny after you. I guess maybe you should have done a wants and warrants check on the kid, but it doesn't exactly go against procedure not to. I think the brass'll be happy enough to get you back on duty. They know we're human and we all make mistakes. But having just been through the process of getting cleared by the headshrinkers, I can tell you that being knocked out and held, beaten…they're going to have you on a desk for a long time. Maybe forever," Dean said.

Sam nodded. "I don't know if I can be a cop if I can't work cases."

"Maybe you should think about going back to law school," Dean said cautiously.

Sam scowled. "You ragged on me for months about that, but now I'm fucking broken so you're ready to just ship me off wherever?"

"You're not broken, Sammy. I just—I was wrong to get mad about that, alright? I shouldn't have tried to make decisions for you. If you want to leave the force, that's your choice."

Sam looked at Dean in disbelief. He'd never thought he'd see the day. "Are you serious?"

"I know when Dad was killed, I persuaded you to join the force to help me track down the guy who killed him. But we did it. We found the guy and he'll be in prison for the rest of his life. I know being a police officer means a lot more to me than it does to you," Dean said.

"I wouldn't say that," Sam said.

"I don't mean to upset you, Sammy," Dean said. "I just mean you shouldn't let what I think about it make your decision for you. It's going to be a long, hard road to get back to active duty, and if you don't want to go there, I don't want you to think you have to because of me. Being a cop is a lot more fun with you, but I can deal if you want to do something else with the rest of your life."

"I'll always want you to be proud of me, Dean," Sam said quietly.

"How could I help but be proud of you, Sam? You're a good guy, and a good cop. I'll support your decision either way," Dean said.

"Will you respect Benny's decision?"

Dean didn't answer.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean was tied up for a while making sure his brother was alright. He went home and changed the sheets in his spare room, thinking Sam might have to be monitored for a while after he was released from the hospital the following day.

It bothered him more than he wanted to admit to see Benny's meager belongings there. He boxed them up. He'd hold onto them for as long Benny needed him to.

A surprising amount of Benny's possessions were things he'd given him. Either his friend packed light or he'd had virtually nothing before they became acquainted. Or he only held on to things that meant a lot.

Dean sighed. He couldn't just let this go. Let Benny go. He reached for his phone and scrolled to Benny's name and pressed 'call'.

"I can't talk right now, brother," Benny said.

"Come on, man. Let me come get you," Dean said.

"Can't. I had to make a commitment to Foster when I signed on. I can't just—and I ain't a rat, so don't ask me to turn him in," Benny said.

"Fuck. I got all your stuff here, man," Dean said.

"Take it to a thrift shop. Just think of me as dead, Dean," Benny said.

"I can't," Dean said, his voice breaking. "I miss you already."

"Don't make this harder, Dean. We both know your brother was worth it. Is worth it. If he's anything like you he's worth ten of me," Benny said.

"Shut up. Jesus," Dean said. He was pretty sure Benny could tell he was crying and he didn't care. "Take care of yourself, will you? Please? Don't make the mistake of thinking there isn't anyone in this town who cares about you. Don't go getting yourself killed."

"Don't come looking for me, Dean. You gotta promise me," Benny said.

"I wouldn't. I wouldn't risk you getting hurt," Dean said. "You—what you did, who you are. It means a lot. You mean a lot."

"Don't call again, you hear?"

Dean couldn't reply, he was that choked up. He was glad no one was there to see him cry; he always heard his dad's voice in his head when he cried saying he wasn't a baby anymore. He heard Benny sigh and then the call was disconnected, but he didn't hang up yet.

The box of Benny's possessions went into storage above the garage, and Sam went back to work after a few days. In a few months, Sam was back on active duty, his dreams of law school apparently forgotten.

Maybe it was Benny's sacrifice that made Sam more dedicated than ever to the job, or maybe it was something he'd figured out in therapy, but he worked with a fever that Dean hadn't seen in him since the violent deaths of their father and Sam's first serious girlfriend, Jessica, had driven him to become a cop.

And if it hadn't been for the bad taste in his mouth about how he'd let Benny down, Dean would have been happy. Sam was back on patrol again, and partnered with Dean. The way it should be. They both always felt better, in some undefinable way, when they were watching each other's backs.

When Sam pulled him aside when he got on shift one Saturday night, he didn't like the look on his brother's face. "What's wrong?"

"They took Benny in, Dean. He's strung out—and the charge is serious. I'm sorry, man," he said.

"What is it?" Dean asked. "What's the charge?"

"Dealing. He's gonna go down for this for a long time," Sam said.

"Sam—you gotta tell the arresting officer what Benny did for you. I know they can't let him off, but maybe they'll make a deal. He saved your life, Sam. Please," Dean said.

"You don't even know what he's been up to these last few months. I mean, you haven't been in contact with him, have you?"

"No, of course not. But he still saved your life. Maybe he can get into treatment instead of doing time. Promise me you'll talk to the prosecutor," Dean demanded.

"Okay, I promise, Dean," Sam said.

"Thank you," Dean said.

"Of course," Sam said. "I know what I owe the guy. Are you going to go see him?"

"I don't think so. If you intervening doesn't help and he goes to prison, being friends with a cop won't help him on the inside."

In the end Sam was able to get Benny into treatment. They'd picked him up with Wally, who had rolled over on his bosses and tried his best to keep Benny out of it. To hear Wally tell it, Benny was a new employee who hadn't been trusted with anything, whereas Wally, despite his age, had worked with them longer and had known a lot more. That, combined with Sam's endorsement that the guy had saved a cop's life when he had the chance, meant the prosecutor didn't really want to throw the book at him.

Dean was a little worried that the light sentence would make the dealers think Benny had made a deal, but Wally had given evidence on everyone right up to Alvarez, so most of the organization ended up behind bars. The Hammer was still out there somewhere, but hopefully he just skipped town.

Benny ended up at New Path, only he was a patient again, not a volunteer. As soon as it was allowed, Dean visited him.

They met up on a bench outside the facility, the spring sun warmer than usual for the time of year. The manicured grounds were starting to come alive after a long barren winter, and Dean cautiously hoped that the same could be said about his and Benny's friendship.

"How are you, brother?" Benny asked.

"Better now I know you're safe," Dean said.

"I hope that's true," Benny said.

"How did you get away before?" Dean asked.

"I just left. I probably won't get any backlash, though. Everyone knows the kid is the one testifying. I hate to think of him taking all that risk on himself," Benny said.

"Sam got the state attorney to kick in some money for witness relocation. Sam's known the kid for years. He's gonna take care of him," Dean said.

"If you say so," Benny said.

Dean looked at his friend, momentarily distracted by remembering just how blue his eyes were. He didn't know what to say. It had always been so easy between them in the past, but something seemed to have changed between them. "You pissed at me?" he asked.

Benny smiled, then. "No, Dean. It's just been a long time. We can't expect things to just go back to how they were."

"Can't we?" Dean asked.

Benny didn't reply. He looked away from Dean, down the hill at the tulips in bloom.

Dean struggled to find something neutral to say. "I have your things. You want me to drop them by? It's just one box."

"I told you to get rid of that stuff," Benny said.

"You got plans for when you get out of here?" Dean asked.

"Might leave town."

"Don't!" Dean said, before he thought about how selfish that was.

Benny looked up. "There ain't nothing here for me, brother."

"I'm here. Izzy's here. Sam—hell, even Sam cares about you now. You can't tell me you want to start over somewhere else."

"What if the Hammer comes after the people I love? I couldn't take that, Dean. It's better if I go," Benny said.

"You don't think he'll just pick up and move? I mean, his whole operation got destroyed," Dean said.

Benny sighed. "I don't know. If I believed that—of course I'd rather be here."

"Yeah?" Dean felt his throat tighten. "You wouldn't want to—to move back in, would you? I mean, when you get out of here."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Benny said.

"It hasn't been the same without you, buddy," Dean said thickly. "I miss you."

"You're a cop, Dean, and I'm a junkie. A two-time loser. In and out of rehab like a yo-yo. How's it going to look?"

"It's not like I invite other cops over and hang out, Benny. No one has to know. Anyway, I—"

"What?" Benny asked once he realized Dean wasn't going to continue speaking.

"I been thinking about quitting the force. Going into private security. Sam's going back to law school in the fall. He made friends with the some people in the DA's office when he was trying to help you out, and they were really encouraging. I'm happy for him. But the job wouldn't be the same without him," Dean said.

"It's tough out there, Dean. The economy isn't great. You sure you want to take a risk like that?"

"I know a guy who does security consulting. He's been after me for years to come work for him. His guys do everything from private investigations to bodyguard work to bounty hunting. I think I might really like it. I love being a cop, but…sometimes the whole cop culture gets to me. I wonder sometimes if I'm really made to play well with others."

"Dean the bounty hunter. That's some sexy shit," Benny said.

Dean's eyes widened and he looked at Benny closely, hoping Benny meant that like it sounded. He didn't even really know if Benny was bisexual—they'd just always been closer than friendship, and Benny had a habit of touching Dean, his hand lingering long enough that Dean had hoped there was some interest on Benny's side. Benny smiled at the scrutiny and took Dean's hand.

Dean squeezed back, fighting tears again. "I don't know if I'm going to leave the force. I just—if I'm with a guy, and I'm kind of hoping to be—I just don't want that to be a big thing at work. They wouldn't care at the company. It might be a bigger deal to assholes like Gordon."

"I'm with you, brother. Whatever you decide," Benny said.

There were a lot more visits before Benny was released. He moved back in with Dean, moving determinedly into the guest room. Well, they hadn't even kissed, so Dean didn't have much of an argument to convince the man to move into the master bedroom with him. And, as Benny pointed out, Dean hadn't even told Sam how he felt about guys, let alone that he had feelings for Benny.

Dean had a mischievous desire to tell Sam nothing and see how long it took his brother to figure out the truth. Benny was against this plan and basically called Dean a coward. It wasn't that Dean thought telling Sam would change anything. He knew Sam would love him and be supportive no matter what, and that telling his brother the truth might make him like Benny even more.

But it would be a big emotional chick-flick coming out speech. He just couldn't bring himself to do it.

Benny shook his head but didn't seem upset. Dean didn't want him to think he was a dirty little secret—but then, it wasn't like there was anything to tell. They'd fallen into their old friendship too easily, and Dean didn't know how to change it into something more.

About a week after Benny had moved back in, Dean cleared his throat as they were finishing up dinner and looked at his friend. "I have to tell you something," he said.

"What's that?" Benny asked.

"I put my notice in. I'm going to work for my friend. It'll mean more money, so don't worry so much about getting a job, alright? Just relax a little, for once," he said.

Benny glared. "I'm not going to live off of you like a goddamned parasite. And if I found out that you took this job in any way because of me—"

"You're not a parasite. You'll find something. And I just needed a change. Being a cop was amazing when I worked with Cas and Sam. It's not the same with both of them gone."

"What about Charlie and Garth?"

"They'll be my friends no matter what. I think I really need a change. And this job still gives me lots of opportunities to help people. I think I'm going to do security detail—like, being a bodyguard. That way I'm still protecting people but without all the macho bullshit posturing."

"If you say so," Benny said.

"I can still go back. Maybe I'm a bit burned out," Dean said.

Benny looked into Dean's eyes, as though trying to see if he should be concerned. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. I'm thinking of taking a little time off before I start the new position. Maybe spend some time getting to know you again."

"You know me better than anyone," Benny said.

"I don't even know how you taste," Dean said.

Benny smiled but looked uncertain. "Sure you want to go there? You deserve so much better than an old ex-junkie who doesn't have a job or any money or even a stick of furniture to his name."

"But you like me, though, right? I mean, you like me as much as I like you?" Dean asked.

"Dean, I goddamned worship you," Benny said. "You're everything to me. You're my whole world. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. Especially a cop."

"Maybe that's what I want. I want someone who loves me like that, not some junk from IKEA and a good bank account," Dean said.

"What about kids? I always pictured you as a father," Benny said.

"I want you more than anything. We'll figure out the rest later," Dean said. He looked across the table, wanting Benny to make a move. He could grab Benny and kiss him, but part of what he'd always loved about being with guys was letting go of that control he usually had to take with girls. He liked being held, feeling cherished, feeling like someone bigger and stronger was in charge and he could just lay back and enjoy the ride. He didn't want to make the first move because he wanted it established early on that Benny was in charge, and not just because he thought the guy felt emasculated enough by living off of Dean's income at the moment.

He got up and moved closer to Benny, then changed course and started to walk away. Benny grabbed hold of him around the waist and pulled him onto his lap.

Dean responded immediately, falling into Benny's arms and melting against him, his passivity telling Benny everything he needed to know. The look in Benny's gorgeous eyes was avid—he liked being in charge, and Dean felt a thrill of excitement at this realization. He was breathing so fast he was almost panting, and when Benny's hand made a slow path from Dean's lower back up to his neck, he whimpered with need.

Benny's grip on his neck demanded obedience. Dean allowed his mouth to be pulled down against Benny's, the kiss hard and passionate and long, long overdue.

Dean was squirming by the time Benny let him back away and take a breath. He stared at Benny with fascination, awed that the man somehow saw exactly what he needed from him.

"Let's go to the bedroom. I'm not going to let you get out of bed for a week," Benny said.

"Awesome," Dean said.


End file.
